How to Respond to "Hey" on a Dating App (Without Killing the Conversation)

You matched. You waited. And then it arrived: "hey."

One word, zero effort, nothing to respond to. If you're wondering how to respond to "hey" on a dating app, you're not alone — it's one of the most-searched dating dilemmas out there. And here's the reframe that changes everything: a lazy opener isn't a dead end. It's a blank slate. They already swiped right on you — the hard part is done. Now the conversation is yours to start.

In this guide: why "hey" isn't as bad as it feels, the replies that restart stalled matches, better questions than "how are you," and how to tell when it's time to suggest meeting up.

Why "Hey" Isn't Actually an Insult

It's easy to read "hey" as "I couldn't be bothered." But dating coaches and app data point to a friendlier truth: most people are nervous, tired, or swiping during a commute, and "hey" is what comes out when they want to open the door but don't know what to say through it.

Relationship therapists actually recommend treating a "hey" as an invitation. One widely suggested reply: "What about my profile made you say hello?" — it's warm, it's a little playful, and it instantly converts their low-effort opener into a real conversation.

The worst move is the obvious one: replying "hey" back. Now you're both standing at the starting line, waiting for the other to run.

8 Ways to Respond to "Hey" (Before → After)

1. "Hey" back → "Hey! Okay, you have great taste in profiles — tell me the story behind that photo of you on the hiking trail."

2. "Hi, how are you?" → "Pretty good — just recovered from a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. Where do you stand?"

3. "Hey, what's up?" → "Not much — though your profile says you make a mean lasagna, and I have questions. What's your secret?"

4. "Hi :)" → "Hi! I'm choosing to believe your third photo was taken mid-jump involuntarily. Am I right?"

5. "Hey, how's your week going?" → "Busy but good! Though I need a win: recommend me something — a show, a snack, or a hill you'd die on."

6. "Hey beautiful" → "Thanks! Now the real test: ask me something my photos couldn't answer."

7. "Hey, seen you around — want to chat?" → "We're chatting! What's the best thing that happened to you this week?"

8. (They sent just a GIF or emoji) → "A strong opener. I'll allow it — but now you have to tell me the story behind your prompt about hating the outdoors."

The pattern in every one: give them something specific to respond to. A question about their profile beats a question about nothing — and it proves you actually looked.

The Formula Behind Replies That Work

Almost every reply above follows one of three shapes:

1. Notice + question. Reference a specific detail from their profile — a photo, a prompt, a hobby — then ask something real about it. Specificity is the entire game.
2. Shared-interest hook. "We both [thing] — so [question]" turns a match into a common ground.
3. Playful challenge. A light, teasing question ("what's your go-to order?") invites personality, not just politeness.

And what to avoid: interview mode (five questions in a row), oversharing (your whole life story before they've asked), and leading with anything about their looks. Compliments land best after rapport, not before it.

Questions Better Than "How Are You?"

If the chat is alive but stuck in small talk, swap the weather talk for questions with a little voltage:

1. "What's something you're weirdly good at?"
2. "Best meal you've had recently — where?"
3. "What's a hill you'd die on?" (Snack opinions welcome.)
4. "Last thing that made you laugh out loud?"
5. "Weekend plan you're actually excited about?"
6. "What's something on your list you keep postponing?"
7. "If you could teleport anywhere for dinner tonight, where?"

Notice these can't be answered with one word. That's the point — a good question gives them room to be interesting, and people love being interesting. (For openers and follow-ups that work in any setting — not just dating apps — see our guide to conversation starters that actually work.)

When to Move Off the App

Texting forever kills momentum. Dating apps exist to get you to the meeting, so after a few good exchanges — ideally within a few days — suggest something low-pressure and specific: "Coffee Saturday? There's a place near you I've been meaning to try."

If they keep the conversation going but dodge every suggestion for more than a week, that's your answer. A match who wants to meet makes it easy. One who doesn't, doesn't.

Say It Better, Automatically

Stuck staring at a match, knowing what you want to say but not how to say it? That's exactly what Sound Smarter is for. Paste your draft — or their lazy "hey" — pick the casual date scenario, and get a polished, perfectly toned reply in seconds. Warm, funny, and unmistakably you.

Write your next opener with Sound Smarter — try it free.

For more ways to sharpen what you say, see our guides to sounding smarter in any conversation and professional ways to say it at work.